The Power of Determination
A lot of people tell me that I'm an inspiration to them. I'm not trying to brag, I'm just stating a fact. I even have people call me "Senpai" which always leaves me without words. The fact that people look up to me creates a sort of drive that I want to share with you. I've been told from the time I was very little, that I wasn't going to amount to anything. The fact that this came from my own father and mother hurts even more. There's many reasons why I don't keep them in my life anymore, their abuse the main one. I refuse to let their negativity bring me down, and instead, choose to focus on the positive to create a safe place for those I choose to keep around me.
My goal is to make one of every Pokemon into a onesie. Every. Last. Pokemon. When they announced 8th Gen, my heart skipped a beat because now I get to have another 20+ Pokemon to make into onesies. But it is also a little discouraging, because I still have around 550 to make from previous generations. I don't let this get me down. I can't let this get me down. I've already come so far. In the four years I've been making Kigus, I've made about 320 Pokemon, as well as countless fursonas, comic characters, and other nerdy things. The smile on my customers' faces when they receive their onesie and gush to me about how much they love it makes all my hardship worth it.
It's the same thing with my cosplays. I work very hard to look the best, and while I'm not quite there, I really want to be. I want to be the next Phil Mizuno or Kamui Cosplay. I want to be recognized for my hard work. I also know that for every mistake I make, I'm one step closer to that end goal. Every competition I lose, every time something breaks, or every hateful comment, brings me one step closer to my end prize. I'm not trying to be discouraging at all. My life has been full of hardship and loss, but I use that pain and turn it into art. I have literally bled, like many of you, for my art. And if I need to continue to do so to create my future, then so be it. But it will only be my blood spilled. I refuse to use people to make my dreams come true. Every person that orders from me helps give me a little piece of the dream I seek.
I also know that my goal is probably going to be impossible. But I can't think that it is unobtainable. I wake up every morning, and I get to work like always. Every day that I wake up, I'm closer to my goals. I sometimes get discouraged, and that's alright, but I can't let that discouragement get the best of me. I am in charge of my destiny. I am the one who can obtain my goals. And I repeat that. I wouldn't be where I am without my friends. I have Curvy Kitty Cosplay, RedHoodie, Body Doubles Cosplay, HeyyKristique, of course Tolia, and so so many more. I can't even begin to name my fans that help foster the healthy environment I hope to give everyone. You can't expect positivity to come when all you give is negativity. That isn't fair to your friends, family, or the others around you.
I haven't always been a positive person, I will never claim that I was. I was an ugly person, inside and out for how I treated some of those friends and family. I despised the person I was and I have worked so very hard to change who I am to make sure that I can help change others for the better. There have been some losses, both literally and relationship-wise, and I mourn those, but you can't always stay focused on the past. Never forget, but don't let it consume you. Who you were last year is not who you are this year. Sometimes, that is for the best. I have noticed that the more positivity that I put out to those around me, yields more positivity coming from them. I may not be able to cure anyone's depression or anxiety, but I can help ease it. That's the most anyone could ask for. Sometimes, I cannot provide the safety and warmth others need, and that's alright too. My friends know that sometimes I need to recharge and that I'll come back when I am back to me. It is okay to take time to reboot and wind down, especially if life is raining hellas on you. Know that it is okay to cry and to feel the emotions you're feeling. There is no shame in being human.
Once I am recharged, I go right back at it. I can't let myself stay down too long. So many people rely on me. Everything will be okay and you should know that too, reader. You are amazing, and great, and talented. Even if you don't think you are. You are the only you in the whole world. And that is absolutely amazing. I am so proud of you. I am proud of the progress you've made in life and will continue to make. You are one of a kind in a 7 billion person world. You are no better nor worse than anyone else in this world, yet you are still amazing! Revel in the fact that you are alive and breathing and you can create so much joy to yourself and those around you. I hope you do. I hope you reach your goals and make wonderful works of art. Whether that's painting, or cosplay, or doing lines of code. That's breathtaking and amazing. You should be proud of yourself.
If you would like to see the progress I have made, you can follow these links to see the books I have created for the Pokemon Onesies. Every little order counts.
I'm still trying to decide if I want to add onto the Gen 7 book or make a separate Gen 8 book. At least I have a little time before the full pokemon are announced! You can also use Mixbook to create portfolios for cosplays or anything else you would like! This coupon gives you $20 off your first book, as well as $20 off my next one: https://mixbook.extole.com/s/Ash01
Thank you again for all your help. Your encouragement means so much to me.